Get ready for the best movie ever.

Here's a fact: the movie "The Assassination of Jesse James" is going to be the best movie of the year, possibly the best movie ever. (Okay, maybe the month.) Some people might say that's an opinion. Those people are wrong.

I wanted to qualify the above statements through the use of geometric proofs, but it turns out that I am far too lazy. So just trust me when I tell you that the following statements are the absolute epitome of objective and scientific analysis.

1. Many reviews have referred to "The Assassination of Jesse James" as a revisionist western. This is good. It's going to be all Cormac McCarthy and gloom. Holla!

2. Now, I'm not really one of those people who gets super into Hollywood movies or has crushes on movie stars, but you know, clothes make the man and DAMN DUDE CHECK OUT THESE THREADS. This film is a virtual parade of badass style.

Check out Zooey Deschanel's sweet cape, so perfectly complimented by the gentleman's dapper fur-trimmed coat. I have a cloak like that.


Now please turn your attention to this casual yet cool frontier ensemble. Damn, Casey Affleck, work it out!!! Doltish sycophants have never looked so good.


If anything, "The Assassination of Jesse James" has helped me to realize that in many ways, perhaps my deepest ambition is to inspire a subculture based solely on dressing like this movie.

3. Just the other day I was remarking on how the trailer (and trust me, I know--I watch this trailer several times a day) makes "Assassination" look like "The Talented Mr. Ripley" as coauthored by Nick Cave. Well, check this--it turns out that Nick Cave makes a cameo appearance and that the film's score is the result of yet another collabo b/w the Cave/Ellis team. So, there you have it: the definitive proof. "The Assassination of Jesse James" is going to be the best movie ever. Now let's turn our attention to more elusive matters, like what kind of music do you think Casey Affleck likes? What's his favorite color? Does he speak a second language? Is he a "cat person" or "dog person"?

Or maybe just watch the trailer and consider investing in a full length duster coat.

HTRK, best band of our time?

It's not really a question because I already know the answer. It's "yes." I talk about this band all the time when I am drunk. Unfortunately words (especially alcohol-soaked ones) cannot really properly convey what this band sounds like, so I do a pretty poor job of it. I'm gonna try, but let me give you the back story first. HTRK (pronounced Hate Rock) are a trio from Melbourne, Australia. They've relocated to Berlin, where Liars wrote the excellent "Drum's Not Dead". I like to imagine them being friends, hanging out together and inspiring one another to make wonderfully ominous music. They have a kind of repetitive, but much prized limited release EP called "Nostalgia." Another fun fact about HTRK is that Rowland S. Howard of the Birthday Party produced and performed on their currently super delayed full length album "Marry Me Tonight". Getting an idea of what this band sounds like yet? Good, because all the videos on YouTube are totally shit, and the songs on their myspace are good but lacking in the heaviness and extreme feedback of the band's live shows.

Now here's what I want you to envision. Imagine a deadpan Siouxsie Sioux fronting a super fuzzed out version of Swans for a soundtrack to a Nathaniel West novella. Or, if you know me, just imagine what you think it's like inside my head. Now check out their myspace page. None of these tracks fully captures the awesomeness of the live show, but at least you'll know that you've heard the best band of our time.

An overly earnest cover version of "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)"

I wanted to post something about the Egyptian-born, Italian singer Dalida mainly, because, well, she's hot and when I bought the album "Les Gitans" I basically had no idea what she was about. The former Ms. Egypt was popular in Egypt, France, and Italy during the late 1950s to the 1980s and had 55 gold records. In what was arguably her finest musical contribution, Dalida introduced France to disco music via a track called "J'attendrai." It is, however, not as good as the following clip, an overly earnest rendition of Sonny Bono's song "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down." I bet you haven't heard this song since 2003, when everyone incessantly played the Nancy Sinatra version from the "Kill Bill Vol. 1" soundtrack, huh? Well get ready to experience "Bang Bang" like you have never experienced it before...in ITALIAN.

OMG, you guys!!! Nick Cave and I are both Virgos!!!

I just found this out today, while looking for info about this film about brain surgery for which he and Warren Ellis allegedly wrote a score. Amazing, right? We have so much in common. For example, we both seem to be into revisionist westerns, and songs about emotional atrophy! Today I even ate at the same place where Nick Cave once ate, as I discovered from the autographed, really old press photo on the wall. But there is one trait we do not share, and that is a love for films about brain surgery.

"Russian Roulette with Two Revolvers" or "The English Surgeon"--depending on which of the extremely few references to this film that you can find--is showing at the London Film Festival next month. According to the British Film Institute's festival program, Mr. Cave and frequent soundtrack collaborator/Dirty Three member Warren Ellis composed the score for the film, which I will not be seeing due to my total lack of desire to watch a surgeon drill a hole into a man's head sans anesthetic. Of course, that shouldn't stop YOU, although the ridiculously small amount of available information about this film might. On the off chance that a film festival near you showcases this flick here's how you'll know (considering the lack of film trailers, websites, or news beyond the BFI listing ): it's directed by a British chap, Geoffrey Smith, and it's about the neurosurgeon Henry Marsh and his efforts at treating operable brain tumors in the Ukraine.

According to iTunes, I have listened to this Beach House song 15 times today

Oh Beach House, I love you. At first I didn't think you'd really be my thing, since, you know, my thing is pretty much limited entirely to the X--Siouxsie--Nick Cave triumvirate. How wrong was I? Well, I think the headline says it all. Beach House are a duo from Baltimore. They are signed to the Cocteau Twins' Simon Raymonde and Robin Guthrie's Bella Union label. And they are awesome. (I love you, too, Cocteau Twins, and I would've included you in the aforementioned favorite band thing if it didn't totally preclude the use of the word "triumvirate". What would I call it then, a "quatrumvirate"? Screw that!) There are many good songs on this album, but the one that inspired the heading also gets the video.



Oh man, I am totally a sucker for any video depicting a slightly creepy vaudeville-ish kinda stage. Oh yes. The song does, in fact, have a title. It's called "Master of None" off their debut self-titled album.

Ahh...Bauhaus weather!

Finally. The leaves are changing colors, the air has a chill, and the night falls earlier with each passing day. All of these signs can only point to one thing--Bauhaus weather. Sure, I know it's not Halloween just yet, but let's be honest here. Autumn is totally the gothest of the seasons. And as such, it provides a totally awesome justification for me to crank 1980s goth rock while I'm sitting around reading my Carson McCullers book.

So, in the true spirit of the season, here's the video for "Bela Lugosi's Dead."



And, in the true spirit of poorly written confessional teenage goth poetry, here's an admission: there was once a time when I thought Peter Murphy was kinda hot. I will not admit to that time being now.

If you're into, like middle-aged demonic-lookin' guys, I mean, you know, there's NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED ABOUT.