Sunday, 30 September 2007

Get ready for the best movie ever.

Here's a fact: the movie "The Assassination of Jesse James" is going to be the best movie of the year, possibly the best movie ever. (Okay, maybe the month.) Some people might say that's an opinion. Those people are wrong.

I wanted to qualify the above statements through the use of geometric proofs, but it turns out that I am far too lazy. So just trust me when I tell you that the following statements are the absolute epitome of objective and scientific analysis.

1. Many reviews have referred to "The Assassination of Jesse James" as a revisionist western. This is good. It's going to be all Cormac McCarthy and gloom. Holla!

2. Now, I'm not really one of those people who gets super into Hollywood movies or has crushes on movie stars, but you know, clothes make the man and DAMN DUDE CHECK OUT THESE THREADS. This film is a virtual parade of badass style.

Check out Zooey Deschanel's sweet cape, so perfectly complimented by the gentleman's dapper fur-trimmed coat. I have a cloak like that.

Now please turn your attention to this casual yet cool frontier ensemble. Damn, Casey Affleck, work it out!!! Doltish sycophants have never looked so good.

If anything, "The Assassination of Jesse James" has helped me to realize that in many ways, perhaps my deepest ambition is to inspire a subculture based solely on dressing like this movie.

3. Just the other day I was remarking on how the trailer (and trust me, I know--I watch this trailer several times a day) makes "Assassination" look like "The Talented Mr. Ripley" as coauthored by Nick Cave. Well, check this--it turns out that Nick Cave makes a cameo appearance and that the film's score is the result of yet another collabo b/w the Cave/Ellis team. So, there you have it: the definitive proof. "The Assassination of Jesse James" is going to be the best movie ever. Now let's turn our attention to more elusive matters, like what kind of music do you think Casey Affleck likes? What's his favorite color? Does he speak a second language? Is he a "cat person" or "dog person"?

Or maybe just watch the trailer and consider investing in a full length duster coat.

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