Morrissey...in Minneapolis!!!!

So maybe Shovel Claus (the cheerful holiday persona I invented last night in hopes he would appear and make the sidewalk in front of our house magically clear so I wouldn't have to freeze in below zero temperatures for an hour) did not grant my holiday wish (to shovel my snow). But apparently a new and better holly jolly winter creation has decided to bestow his favor on me...because Morrissey is going on tour, and instead of not coming here, HE IS TOTALLY COMING HERE. Even when I am contemplating finding a 4th job, and even when I am contemplating keeping it to myself that I'm thinking of getting another job so I don't constantly seem like I'm complaining, the dulcet sounds of "This Charming Man" can truly make me feel just a little bit better. And now he is coming to my own hometown. Also, I learned that there are like, dozens of Smiths-related cover bands on YouTube including...of course...(once you hear the name, you'll know it just HAD to exist) This Charming Band.

This is the longest tour listing ever. Please take me with you, Morrissey. Oh--and there's a date on that upcoming album, Years of Refusal. It's February 17, 2009. The single is called "I'm Throwing My Arms Around Paris." Siiiigh. So romantic, Morrissey. Sigh.

02-28 Boca Raton, FL - Mizner Park
03-01 Orlando, FL - Hard Rock Live
03-03 Jacksonville, FL - Florida Theater
03-04 St Petersburg, FL - Jannus Landing
03-06 Myrtle Beach SC - House of Blues
03-07 Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse
03-09 Asheville, NC - Orange Peel
03-11 Durham, NC - Durham Performing Arts Center
03-13 Richmond, VA - The National
03-14 Washington, DC - Warner Theater
03-16 Montclair, NJ - Wellmont Theater
03-17 Pittsburgh, PA - Carnegie Music Hall
03-19 Buffalo, NY - University of Buffalo Center for the Arts
03-21 New York, NY - Bowery Ballroom
03-22 Philadelphia, PA - Academy of Music
03-25 New York, NY - Webster Hall
03-26 New York, NY - Carnegie Hall
03-28 Mashantucket, CT - Foxwoods
03-29 Boston, MA - House of Blues
03-31 Ann Arbor, MI - Michigan Theater
04-01 Columbus, OH - Palace Theater
04-03 Milwaukee, WI - Eagles Ballroom
04-04 Chicago, IL - Aragon Ballroom
04-06 Minneapolis, MN - State Theater
04-07 Kansas City, MO - Midland Theater
04-08 St Louis, MO - Pageant Theater
04-10 Dallas, TX - Palladium Ballroom
04-11 Houston, TX - Jesse H Jones Hall
04-12 Austin, TX - Bass Concert Hall
04-14 El Paso, TX - Chavez Theater
04-15 Albuquerque, NM - Sunshine Theater
04-28 Killarney, Ireland - INEC
04-29 Galway, Ireland - Leisureland
05-01 Omagh, Northern Ireland - Leisure Centre
05-02 Belfast, Northern Ireland - Waterfront
05-04 Stirling, Scotland - Albert Hall *
05-05 Dundee, Scotland - Caird Hall *
05-07 Glasgow, Scotland - Barrowlands *
05-08 Glasgow, Scotland - Barrowlands *
05-10 Liverpool, England - Empire *
05-11 London, England - Royal Albert Hall *
05-13 Great Yarmouth, England - Brittania Pier *
05-16 Cambridge, England - Corn Exchange *
05-19 Hull, England - Hull Arena *
05-20 Hartlepool, England - Borough Hall *
05-22 Manchester, England - Apollo *
05-23 Manchester, England - Apollo *
05-25 Salisbury, England - City Hall *
05-26 London, England - Troxy Ballroom *
05-28 London, England - Brixton Academy *
05-29 London, England - Brixton Academy *
05-30 London, England - Brixton Academy *
06-02 Paris, France - Grand Rex
06-03 Lille, France - Aeronef
06-05 Luxembourg - Rockhal Club
06-06 Rotterdam, Holland - Watt
06-08 Antwerp, Belgium - Elizabeth Hall
06-09 Offenbach, Germany - Capitol
06-11 Cologne, Germany - Palladium
06-12 Berlin, Germany - Columbiahalle
06-14 Bremen, Germany - Pier 2
06-20 Oslo, Norway - Senstrumscene
06-24 Stockholm, Sweden - Hovet
06-30 St. Petersburg, Russia - Maneshe
07-01 Moscow, Russia - B1 Club

* with Doll and the Kicks

A magical night (or six) with Morrissey

Guys, I love Morrissey. Maybe you think that I am referring to his awesome song-writing abilities and diligent work in upholding the tennets of latter-day dandyism. If so, you are wrong. But I will not keep you in suspense. No, I will come out and tell you right this very instant. It is because Morrissey is the most amazing person on earth.

He is like a caricature of a caricature. Or a superhero. Or something else fantastic that flits about the earth reuniting NY punk bands and looking suave. I honestly cannot understand why someone has not created a shitty Microsoft Paint picture of Morrissey wearing a top hat, smoking a pipe and drinking absinthe before. (Note: those are bubbles in his drink, not measles.) Seriously, this is a man who does promo shots of himself languishing over a fucking SUN DIAL and contemplating the ephemerality of all things. You don't even need the little thought bubble to guess that he is thinking of À la recherche du temps perdu and sighing a world-weary sigh.

Remember when Morrissey was questioned by the FBI because they considered him a "potential threat to national security"??? Or when he reunited the New York Dolls? What about when he refused to perform at a predesignated venue at SXSW '06 because he could smell the aroma of BBQ sauce wafting onto the stage and this offended his ultra PETA-y sensibilities and later he sat around talking shit about Ray Davies during his act? (The first two items are verifiably true--at least if you think Pitchfork is a verifiably true news source. The latter "facts" are pretty much hearsay that I reported as truth on the radio during a SXSW update. They are also much more impressive after you've been drunk for three days in a row.)

What amazing thing will Morrissey do next? Will he discover conclusive evidence that unicorns are real? Will he make people stop liking American Apparel? Perhaps he will just move into the Camden Roundhouse for six days and put his sparkling wit and debonair personality on display.

January!
21st London Roundhouse
22nd London Roundhouse
23rd London Roundhouse
25th London Roundhouse
26th London Roundhouse
27 London Roundhouse

Tickets are on sale coming Friday the 23rd of November.

All aboard the learning train!

Choo choo! Got your tickets, ready? What facts will we travel through today on our sinus medication-fueled journey through the music newsosphere?

Well, not many, b/c my repetitive stress injury really fuckin' hurts!!! So, all aboard! Here's three things I learned today:

1. Wire have a new addition to their series of Read and Burn EPs. It drops November 12th in the UK, and various news outlets are reporting that the material on this third EP will not go towards filling a full-length a la Read and Burn 1 and 2 and the LP Send. Read more--but only a little bit!!!--on the Wire webpage/

2. Best movie ever star Casey Affleck is a vegetarian!!!! OMG, boo--So. Am. I.

3. New Morrissey album coming out in September 2008. I have high hopes for the cover art. Will it be as ludicrous as the Glamourshots-style photo of Morrissey with the tommy gun featured on You Are the Quarry?



4. Also today I found out that Kansas City is not in Kansas, at all, but actually located within MISSOURI. WTF?!?!?! What's it doing in Missouri? I know, I know--shock of the century, right!


My arm's gonna fall off and I'm out for the weekend, heading to Florence. Ciao bella!!!