Wait, what? A NEW new Portishead album?

I am going to New Orleans next week for my oldest friend's wedding, so I won't be updating either this blog or my funny animal blog, OMG What Is That? dot blogspot dot com. I will, however, be writing three stories this week. WOW! Contain your excitement, please!

Let's lead off with a story about the love of my high school life, Portishead. I have both a) shaken vocalist Beth Gibbon's hand and b) given her a frankly pretty giddy hug outside a solo show in like, 2003. I will tell you about both at length if I've been drinking, but not here because I sound like an ultra nerd. (Although technically I guess I am drinking now; I am having a glass of--wait for it--absinthe, which I bought, coincidentally, while drunk, and now it's the only cocktaily thing I have in the house and I just cleaned the bathroom and it was kinda gross so I deserve it.) BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT. I saw Portishead a couple years back when they curated the Christmas ATP in Minehead, England, which was one of their first shows for the long-awaited Third album. As expected, it was amazing. And now they are working on another album! Portishead member Geoff Barrow (whom I have also met, although not hugged) told the BBC that "we're going to start writing [the album] and if all goes well it could be [out] in a year's time." The group is currently without a label, and Barrow keeps dropping cryptic comments about how it'll get released. My guess: minidisc.

New ATP documentary helps you relive parts of my life you never wanted to know happened

Great news for anyone who received a drunken phone call from me at December 2007's All Tomorrow's Parties! ATP is set to release a concert film chock-full of footage from recent acts, including perhaps the very same Portishead set where BETH GIBBONS TOUCHED MY HAND. Not once, but twice!, did this happen. (Side note: many people also know my infamous "I was hugged by Beth Gibbons" story. But not EVERYBODY knows it, and therefore I proudly present to the internet this gem of information: I was hugged by Beth Gibbons. At her solo show at St. Paul's Fitzgerald Theatre in 2003. WOW. That was a long time ago. Gettin' old. YIKES.) Other acts featured on the DVD include Iggy and the Stooges, Battles, Sonic Youth, The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Belle And Sebastian, Patti Smith, Animal Collective, Mogwai, Slint, Grizzly Bear, Grinderman, The Gossip, Daniel Johnston and The Boredoms. Warp Films is putting the thing out on September 23, which is just after my birthday, but I'm okay with that as long as you tell me on or before my birthday that you're buying me this and are just waiting for it to come out so that you can give it to me.


The film is an assemblage of cell phone video, camcorder, and Super 8 footage from fans, musicians, and proper filmmakers. Assembled by director Jonathan Caouette and cinematographer Vincent Moon, all these different quality-level shots should give you a pretty solid idea of what it was like to be experiencing ATP from the underfed and overpartied eyes of ME. Seriously, I can still recall the horrifying taste of those well-intentioned but revolting pineapple shots. Absolutely one of the Top 3 Worst Drinks in My Personal Life History. (The others being anything with SoCo in it that I drank at the last SXSW and the unholy potato liquor/Mountain Dew cocktail created by my friend and fellow SXSW/ATP attendee, Cian. A dubious honor, to be sure!)

I can't help it. I love this Horrors song so much!

Laugh all you want: I love The Horrors. I am not ashamed to let you know this. (Most of you already know this.) Sure, a lot of their press photos make them look like the English goth equivalents of the Hot Topic-spawned musical victims commonly known as "mall punks." But they are awesome--trust me--and not just because I figure anyone who has bat tattoos must pretty well know what's up. (This theory is based on close scientific observation...of myself. I have bat tattoos, or battoos, as I like to call them. AND I know what's up. DO I EVER.)

Alright, now that I've blathered my way through my preface, allow me to suggest you take a listen to the track "Mirror's Image" on the band's MySpace page. My beloved local college radio station (and former place of employment)Radio K has been giving this thing regular rotation and let me tell you it is a stone cold jam. I plan on listening to this track online until my credit card bill cycle starts anew and I can go blow my limited income on records. It is especially vital that you give this song a listen because you have to start liking this band by October, at which point I will be attending the band's show at the Turf Club in lovely St. Paul, MN, and I will probably be attending it by myself. UNLESS YOU COME WITH ME.


Other things: the band's 2nd album, Primary Colours, was recorded by Geoff Barrow of Portishead, whom I have met and creeped out. (I was very young and very effusive.) It's out on XL Recordings.



9/15 Boston, MA Paradise Rock Club
9/16 Philadelphia, PA Johnny Brenda’s
9/17 New York, NY Bowery Ballroom
9/18 Baltimore, MD Sonar- Club Stage
9/19 Washington, DC Black Cat
9/21 Atlanta, GA The Earl
9/22 New Orleans, LA One Eyed Jacks
9/24 Houston, TX Walter’s on Washington
9/25 Dallas, TX Granada Theater
9/26 Austin, TX Emo’s Alternative Lounging (outside)
9/28 Tempe, AZ The Clubhouse Music Venue
9/29 San Diego, CA The Casbah
9/30 Costa Mesa, CA The Detroit Bar
10/1 Los Angeles, CA El Rey Theater
10/2 Pomona, CA The Glass House
10/3 San Francisco, CA The Independent
10/5 Portland, OR Doug Fir Lounge
10/6 Seattle, WA Neumo’s
10/7 Vancouver, BC Venue
10/10 St. Paul, MN Turf Club
10/11 Chicago, IL Double Door
10/12 Detroit, MI Magic Stick
10/14 Toronto, ON Lee’s Place
10/15 Montreal, QC Petit Campus
10/16 Brooklyn, NY Music Hall of Williamsburg
10/17 Hoboken, NJ Maxwell’s

Portishead on the loose!

Now that they've fulfilled their contract with Island Records, Portishead are free and ready to get their groove back. No one's saying their completely done-zo with Island, but you know, they're considering their options, and playing the field, so to speak. Geoff Barrow commented on the group's MySpace page how "with the world being the way it is there are lots of options open...but if you lot have any bright ideas of how we should sell our music in the future lets[sic] us know , why not!" He adds, "i dont think that were into giving out music away for free to be honest...it fukin takes ages to write and we have to heat our swimming pools...!!!" Because apparently he is either just kind of averse to full-out swearing or just kind of into writing in teen girl text speak.

Portisheadstravaganza!!!

Don't lie: you love it!!! You can't get enough of all this Portishead news!!!

Or maybe you're just like me, and there are weird unearthly noises emanating from the basement and you haven't really been able to feel your feet properly for the past two hours b/c it's been non-stop fucking cold outside and you have the most boring job of all time and you're so desperate for entertainment that your big idea is to accumulate various newspaper crossword puzzles and surreptitiously complete them under the counter. (Note: I have never worked through an entire crossword puzzle. Filling in two answers is enough to remind me that they are boring, and for people who are not loudmouthed and entertaining enough on their own. That is why it is a "big idea.")

And, wow! Portishead has new promotional photos, which don't scream "1997, what a year! What ever happened to Cibo Matto?" when you look at them. That's nice!

Because I'm exhausted and my throat hurts, here's some news I copied directly from Pitchfork, just like I copied this picture from them! Thank, dudes.

New UK album date!= April 14, 2008
New album name!=Third
New tour dates!=


03.26.08- Porto, Portugal - Coliseum
03.27.08- Lisbon, Portugal - Coliseum
03.30.08 - Milan, Italy - Alcatraz
03.31.08 - Florence, Italy - Sashall
04.09.08 - Manchester, England - Apollo
04.10.08 - London, England - Hammersmith Apollo
04.11.08 - Edinburgh, Scotland - Corn Exchange
04.13.08 - Wolverhampton, England - Civic
04.26.08 - Indio, CA - Coachella (or as I call it, Crotchella. I did not enjoy my experience there, see.)
05.05.08 - Paris, France - Zenith
05.29.08 -05.31.08 - Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Sound


ALSO, I heard a rumor that the band is going to play SXSW.


Okay, actually I didn't. Exhausted/potentially ill person humor.

Selected ATP photos finally up

Hi. I am extremely lazy. Here are the ATP photos I considered posting four days ago, but was too lethargic to actually do. I have like 20 pictures of Portishead on my camera, but the screen is so small that I was fooled into believing most of them turned out better than they did. Alas, I forgot I even had my camera for the entire first day, so there's no Silver Apples or Thurston or Horrors or anything like that, but what do you care, try google imaging them if it's such a big deal! OK, here's the handful of pictures I took that don't consist of blurry silhouettes and people's heads and 100% complete inside jokes. And 4 realz, if anyone finds/posts that "Sexy High Hat" video, or has an explanation as to why this was the chosen chant of the post-Aphex Twin party crew, I really, really really need to know. Thanks!



Hey! It's Portishead! SWOON.





Post Portishead "OMG guys, I am in AWE" face. If you look closely, you can see where I had to get cavities removed!



After Aphex Twin got out on Sunday morning, there was nothing to do. So we danced. Around an arcade machine called the Lighthouse. And then we terrorized the holiday camp grounds by chanting "Sexy High Hat" and pounding on things. Get wild!!!






For more ATP coverage (of a sort), read Portishead Week: the magic countdown begins! or Portishead ATP: The Aftermath.

OK, fine, this next thing is kind of an inside joke, but only because no one else is willing to admit that it's funny!!! It is!!! Actually, it's probably not at all entertaining to anyone else, but IT SHOULD BE.

Backstory:At the Crazy Horse bar, we wandered into this open door marked "Chuckwagon," which turned out to be like the ATP arcade game graveyard. We found one of those claw things that you're supposed to be able to pick up stuffed animals with, but which never actually work, and liberated it. It became our pet for the weekend, and forever. It's name is Ee-k-er, based on the noise it makes, the sound that you can see in the video. It lives on our table now, and that's where it's going to live forever, because us and the Ee-k-er are FRIENDS 4EVA. Hey, you know what? FUCK OFF! It is TOO funny.

Portishead ATP: The Aftermath

I wanted to post some of my own pictures from the Portishead-curated ATP festival, but at the moment, my camera is on the table, my card reader is in my bedroom, and I am on the couch. Also I am cold. So I cannot move and complete the camera-to-computer photo process. Maybe tomorrow!


I saw Silver Apples on Friday night. I am also convinced that I saw SA's Simeon hanging out on several different occasions during the festival. Possibly this desire to spot Simeon is a direct result of me being so out of it during his set that I can't really remember it all that well--although I can tell you that it was 100% hands down AWESOME! Every time he started a new song I would get really excited and yell "YEAHHHHHH! "A POX ON YOU!!!!!!" Whether he ever played the song I don't exactly recall for sure, but the sheer joy of repeatedly thinking every song in the set was "A Pox on You" had me feeling pretty good by the end.

Portishead and Aphex Twin both played two different nights to satisfy demand. And great news: Portishead were awesome! And so so nice! They seemed genuinely pleased to be performing, and towards the end Beth jumped down and started shaking hands with people in the crowd. I know--OMG, right? You know what this means, right? Yes--BETH SHOOK MY HAND GUYS OMG!!! "Sour Times" and "Cowboys" were both particularly awesome live, but alas I haven't been able to find any footage of them on YouTube yet. I did dig around and find some good quality footage of some of the new songs they played, and the links are below.

From the Saturday performance at ATP's Nightmare Before Christmas 2007:

Machine Gun

Wicca

Peaches

Mystic

Ahhh, swoon! The person who shot these is a hero.


What else to say? There were lots of drone rock bands, there were lots of sludge rock bands. There was a mad-out-of-it sea gull doing a little tap dance at 10am on a Monday morning! We discovered and then got locked into an arcade game machine graveyard! After Aphex Twin got out, we joined a mob of people dancing to the music emanating from a game called the Lighthouse, then paraded through the holiday camp grounds at 4am while repeatedly chanting "Sexy High Hat!" (No, I do not know why. Probably something the Lighthouse said.) And all kinds of assorted other moments that will seem absolutely uninteresting to other people, but which I will be sure to talk about if you see me at the bar.

Surprisingly I feel significantly less awful than I did after Electric Picnic, but there's still time for that to kick in, and I'm nervous! So, fingers crossed, because I really don't want to end up feeling like that seagull. RIP, little guy, RIP.

Portishead week: the magic countdown begins!

Let me tell you a story. It's a story about a very mopey sixteen-year-old girl named Alison who loved Trainspotting, The X-Files and super geeky internet message boards. (Hint: it's me.) In between studying for the SATs and being depressed, this young lady loved nothing more than listening to a steady stream of Massive Attack, Tricky, and Portishead. But mostly Portishead. I'm slightly exaggerating--but only slightly!--when I say that a usual night's entertainment consisted of a few spins of Dummy followed by the self-titled Portishead album, perhaps chased with an (un)healthy dose of the Canadian import of Roseland NYC Live (the Canadian one was longer, or it had a DVD or something) or one of the many import singles our young protagonist had bought through her trusty friend, the internet. On repeat. Surely Bristol must be the coolest place in the world--a place where people were free to make super depressing electronic music and run around in vintage 1940s gear while making grainy black and white videos that little Alison couldn't watch because YouTube did not yet exist!


Little Alison dreamed of a day when she could see her favorite band in action. That day never came. Because as we all know, Portishead effectively stopped functioning as a live unit after the release of their third album, Roseland NYC Live and has existed up until the past year simply as a memory/myth. The years passed and as Lil' Alison got older, she forgot about her triphop friends. Her music interests inclined now towards super aggro NY noiserock or the sort of early 80s postpunk that could inspire one to get bats tattooed on her upper left arm. But then one day, like Tom Hanks in Castaway (which I did not see, but my mom told me about), Portishead reappeared! As did the part of my brain/heart that knows the release dates, tracklistings, and band member names of everything related to the band!


In all honesty, I did not think I was still capable of this much Portishead-related excitement. Although judging from my delight at discovering a new X-Files movie was in pre-production ("OH MY GOD THEY'RE MAKING A NEW X-FILES MOVIE!!!!!"), my enthusiasm shouldn't be too much of a shock. So today I am absolutely thrilled to tell all the haters that Portishead has a new album and that album has a release date. It's coming out sometime in March or April, depending on which news source you believe.


This Friday I'm shipping off to Butlin's Holiday Resort in Minehead to attend the Portishead-curated All Tomorrow's Parties (another teenage dream: "Wooooow England must be sooooo coooooool!" I always talked like I was stoned apparently.) From the looks of things it's going to be one marathon drone-stravaganza, but apart from my beloved trip-hoppers, I'm also totally enthused about seeing the Silver Apples, Thurston Moore, Glen Branca, the Horrors, and some other bands that I might be able to drag myself out of the Yacht Club for. (Yes, there is cafe called the Yacht Club, and I will be visiting it solely because it is called the Yacht Club.) So be prepared for a lot of festival-related nonsense, and possibly an unbelievably pathetic rundown of a time in the not-too-distant-past when I met Beth Gibbons and Geoff Barrows and completely misplaced by sense of dignity for one final burst of teen angst and ultrafandom! In the words of Portishead contemporaries, 2 Unlimited, "y'all ready for this?"